Should I laugh or cry?

Well, here we are, December 24th. This is the day I think of as the real beginning of Christmas celebrations, since we usually go to my husband's father's house and then to my uncle's house in the evening. Then, on Christmas day, we go to my parents' first thing in the morning, my Granddad's for a few hours, and then my mother in law's.

*insert sound of record screeching here*

Yeah. Not this year.

I have been sick since Wednesday. I mean, sick, sick, throwing up, fever going up and down, dizzy, pain, sinuses, dehydration, can't eat anything since Tuesday, lost my voice yesterday SICK. Today is the first day I've felt human since this whole thing started.

First I had CGod call my grandparents to let them know we probably wouldn't see them on Sunday, since Granddad is on dialysis (sp?) and I'm not really into the idea of getting HIM sick. Ok, I can deal. We'll see them later in the week, all is well.

So then last night I'm thinking, I'm still feverish, I don't want to get my other grandma sick, either, and I'm really not going to be up for two parties at two houses, especially since I'm unable to talk and my head hurts when my husband even talks a little louder than normal--so maybe we'll forgo the Christmas Eve stuff. Not my favorite decision, but I really wanted to be up for going to at very least my parents' and my mom-in-law's.

Then today hits, and I'm still not 100%...so my husband calls my parents to see if the gifts have come yet (we ordered a ton of stuff online and had it shipped to their house instead of here) and my mom says, "If Jen is less than 100%, don't come over, since we can't afford to get sick, too."

While I understand their reasoning--my sister is on break from Dartmouth, my parents both can't take time off from work, and my brother is both working AND going to school--I was still hurt by the words. Everyone drills into my head how important 'family' is at Christmas (ever since I mentioned possibly breaking off and doing my own thing once I got married; imagine how well THAT went over) and yet, that very family was pretty much "don't come near us with your germs" when I just really want someone to make me a cup of tea and say "aww". I just want to hang out with them and have my Christmas morning like I have for just about every one of my 30 years. It sucks and I am really sad about it. Don't get me wrong--I am not coming down on my family here. I am mostly angry that I'm sick over the one holiday I actually WANT to see them on.

Well, after hearing that, I had my husband call HIS mom to make sure we shouldn't go there, either, which is a good thing--his uncle is visiting and HE'S got heart problems, which means someone as sick as *I* have been would be a very bad addition to the party. So I'm all about to feel crappy again, when CGod says, "my mom wants to know if she can bring Christmas to us."

Basically, she's bringing over our gifts today and some food tomorrow, because she feels really bad that we can't have ANY of our Christmas plans. On top of that, one of my best friends in the world is coming by to show me the proud result of my teaching her to knit (yay) and then tomorrow, we may just end up going to visit Jeff & Kristin, who have promised delicious chicken soup and lots of fun people to make us feel better.

All in all, the holiday is not a waste, but it is turning out very differently than I had planned. It's hard like this, when I'm up to going out but am afraid of getting certain people sick. At family gatherings, there's so much hugging, so much closeness, and I really need to be able to curl up in the back of the action and just chill. It also sucks that I can't talk, which means at a family function I'll have to either wear a tag that says "don't ask me how I am, I can't tell you" or try to explain in a whisper that I can't talk while all the noise of the party is going on around me.

And now I need to go neaten up more. My inlaws are coming and my house is a disaster, and I am moving verrrrry slowly today.

*hugs all*